I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
