I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
