I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
