I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
