White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
