Apparently you make a good broom.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My penis needs a shock collar
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
