Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
