He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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