he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize