Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
