do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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