Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
