If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
