Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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