im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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