a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
