C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize