We're facebook friends in real life
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
