Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize