waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
3 2 1 whiskey
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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