I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
