someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
