So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
