were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize