4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
