that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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