Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
