6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
