Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
