Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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