I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
