I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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