I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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