Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
