She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
