I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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