Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
