so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
