i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
