matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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