If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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