you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
