hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
