She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
