so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
