I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
