I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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