I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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