My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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