K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
