so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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