Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
