There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
