one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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