i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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