I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
