im about as happy as oj after his trial
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
