did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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