You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
