She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
