in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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