Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
