things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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