Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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