u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize