Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
