Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
