Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
