I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
