Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
