??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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