just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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