my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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