Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
