Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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