Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
