I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
