Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
