he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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