He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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