we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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