She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
