Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
